i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
