The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
