matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize