i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
