My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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