He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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