This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
