Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i already hear my dad disowning me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
