you would pick up someone in the library
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
