Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
