matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
