He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
COCAINE IS GR8
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize