There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
