he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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