just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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