24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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