so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
