Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
