1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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