none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
