You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize