I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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