i was born a porn star she said
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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