oh god the rape fog is back!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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