I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
