I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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