Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
