The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
