Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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