I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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