She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
