if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
