I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
