in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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