he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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