It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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