yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
