fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
