I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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