This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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