Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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