I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
