never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
