Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
