i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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