Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
