he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
