I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i dont even know how to be here
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
