I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
