Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
