moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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