May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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