if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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