I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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