Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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