Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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