No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize