i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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