I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
