Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
