Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
