I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
