no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
