everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
