also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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