I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
