Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
