Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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