have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
