Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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