somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
