You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
